On Navigating the World When You Don’t Fit In
Looking back, I’m not sure that I ever really fit in. I was never one of the popular kids, the one with a ton of friends, the one who got invited to all the parties. It hurt. Not just because I often felt like an outsider looking in, but also because I didn’t make friends easily, and it was lonely. My occasional friend was always another ‘odd-ball’ and we clung together through our bonds as outsiders.
I wonder how many of you can relate? Now I have a far greater understanding of who I am and why I didn’t fit in. Many of us are introverts, we find loud gatherings uncomfortable, and we avoid situations where we will be put in the spotlight. Often, our words are carefully weighed before we speak. Alone time is vital in order to recharge. We are sensitive, tender, vulnerable, and raw. Yet, we have gifts that the world needs.
Many of us are driven by an inner passion that we are reluctant to share. We are moved deeply by tragedy, our own or that of others. We hold huge compassion for animals, people, the environment, and the planet. Our hearts ache and often break, on a daily basis.
We are the creative ones, the writers, the painters, the visionaries, the dreamers, and the quiet light that constantly burns. Once we were the wise women who were persecuted as witches, we were the visionaries who risked their lives by speaking out, and we were the quiet revolutionaries who became the catalysts for change.
It has taken many years, but I have come to embrace my uniqueness. Fitting in for the sake of fitting in is excruciatingly uncomfortable for me. Being part of the crowd means that I have to play a role, pretend to be someone I am not in order for others to see me as ‘one of them’. It used to feel weird, but now it feels downright wrong, as if I am play-acting or being less than authentic. In situations where I cannot show my true colours I often choose to bite my tongue and find a way to quietly extract myself as soon as possible.
Loneliness is a huge part of not fitting in. It is the price that we pay for being true to ourselves, for being authentic, and for being bold enough to embrace our differences. Yet, when we find those who see us and accept us for who we truly are, we are able to develop deep and abiding friendships. There are people who I can spend time with who allow me to be raw, naked, and vulnerable deep down to my soul. They stand with me, truly see me, talk with me, and hold a space for me. It is so beautiful and soothing to my soul. There is healing there, for all of us. As we spend time with those who are willing to be as vulnerable as we are, we become stronger and more able to stand in who we are, not who the world thinks we are. From there we can find our way through this Earth School and maybe even make a difference. Having the courage to stand in our true selves is powerful beyond measure. And, who knows, maybe we are inspiring other misfits to be gentle with themselves and to allow themselves to be exactly who they are too.
<3
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I have experienced loneliness in the past when I was only living the “illusion”of my self. After spending Years of introspection and peeling away at this illusion I have arrived and settled into a place of aloness which is all of the following – grounding, strengthening , interesting, revitalizing and utmost self revealing . There is still much work in progress to navigate life with this “within self” as opposed to leading with my “illusionary self ” all of the time .